


For if I am not yours, what am I?

by bratdjarin



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Infertility, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28112427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bratdjarin/pseuds/bratdjarin
Summary: Family has always been important to The Mandalorian, he needed to have something to cling to and call his own after everything he once possessed had been taken away. Watching him grow increasingly tender with his little stolen green asset had only left you with thoughts on what it would be like if you were to give him a child of his own, little did you know how unlikely that was to ever happen.
Relationships: Din Djarin/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	For if I am not yours, what am I?

Din stood outside the lavatory with his hands balled up into tight fists, a tenseness had settled in his shoulders from the second he had watched you enter and they had shown no sign of easing since. Across from him, Grogu sat within his makeshift bed, chubby green hands entertaining themselves with a small bundle of charms you had picked up at a market on the last planet you’d stopped off at.

It hadn’t been long at all since he had returned with something small and green bundled up in his arms and yet Din couldn’t imagine the ship without the sound of babbling and cooing. It would be as hard to imagine it without you, the smallest things seemed so necessary, like you leaving the shower setting on hot when he preferred them as cold as possible, or finding crumbs in bed from late night snacks when you thought he was asleep. They had become so ingrained with his image of the Razor Crest that if you were to leave it would be like tearing out circuits or dismantling the wings.

He knew it had been only mere minutes since you had entered the lavatory with the test in hand but each second felt like an eternity, it felt like a knife to the gut to simply know there was something you knew that he didn’t. It sounded possessive but when he had showed you everything there was to him, every part he’d sworn to keep secret or at least die trying, he couldn’t stomach the thought of there being something you didn’t share together.

Maybe it was possessive, would that be so wrong?

Grogu cooed absentmindedly and Din tilted his helmet towards him, watching as the kid brought one of the charms up to his mouth to chew on. The noise would have bothered him once upon a time, the ship had never been silent per say but it was quiet enough to have any new sound feel intrusive.

When he’d first offered you a ride after being caught in the crossfire of a bounty collection gone wrong, he was almost certain he would kick you off in a matter of hours as a result of the increase of noise you brought along. Eventually though, after being thrown off course and into a detour of massive proportion, he got used to the noise of having you around, even grew to miss it when he did finally get you to where you were initially going. Sure, the separation only lasted a few hours before he was storming off to insist you come back, offering good pay to look after the ship while he went out on his collections but even with that clunky helmet covering what you felt in your gut to be a pretty face, you knew his true intentions.

That was many cycles ago, so much had happened since then that there simply wasn’t time to stand and ponder over it all. However, Din always allowed for a moment in every day to think back to the time he first had you in his bed, more specifically the morning after when he’d awoken to the sight of you curled up beside him, hand warm on his belly and your head tucked neatly beneath the sharp edge of his helmet. Months of tension had finally been cut and instead of the shame and regret which he thought for certain you’d feel after bedding a man you knew so little about, he found you by his side looking more peaceful than ever witnessed before.

The lock on the lavatory door turned and Din’s head whipped around to face it. He didn’t know what to expect upon your exit, he had been hoping for at least a smile, but he recognized melancholy faster than anything else. A sickness twisted in his stomach and if it were not for the heavy helmet keeping him covered, you would have witnessed how his eyes softened with woe.

He watched as you extended the pregnancy test out which he took slowly, the tips of his orange gloves brushing against your skin and he noted the slight tremble in your hand. Maybe this was all a mistake, it wasn’t right that you once again be placed into a position of failure because of something he craved so deeply.

It was not the first time that you had found yourselves together in this predicament. It had been your idea originally, a wish you’d kept a secret from the moment Din softened himself around you. It sometimes still amazed you how that Beskar hid a man capable of such warm laughter and gentle touches. Falling for him wasn’t an immediate thing, truthfully you found the man a pretentious bother to begin with but somewhere along the way, maybe when you first heard him speak to the kid with such tenderness, you found an affection for him that hadn’t faltered since.

You could recall with complete ease the first night he fucked you. He wasn’t gentle per say but there had been a hesitation in his hands, as though he had never had the chance to touch someone without the intent to harm. The weight of his body on top of you was welcomed with no qualms, there was little he could do which would have made you want him to leave, especially when slid that beautiful cock inside of you as though he had been made to fit there.

With your naked skin pressed to the cold metal of his amour and his spunk warm between your legs, never had you felt so content before, so incredibly safe. As you had drifted off to sleep that night, your mind wandered to how Din’s hand had settled down on your stomach as he fucked you, those thick fingers kneading at your soft belly in admiration and you wondered how tenderly he’d touch you there if it there was his child there inside.

Din ran his thumb over the test, rubbing across the negative sign flashing with an obnoxious red light. Despite having shared his face with you before, while on the ship he still wore his helmet the majority of the time, you knew it to be a thing of comfort for him and while perfectly content to see him whenever he gave you the chance, all you wanted right then was to know how he was feeling. His gaze remained pointed down at the test when you spoke up, your voice raspy yet quiet in fear of breaking.

“We can try again.” Since the third time hadn’t been any luckier than before, you concluded that some of that luck must be carried onto the next attempts. That had to be the case, the alternative would be to admit that it was unlikely that you were to ever get a positive and that was a defeat you could not handle.

Silence, that was all Din gave you in return. He continued to stare down at the test, caressing it with a gentle touch which couldn’t have been any further than what you wanted to do to it; throw it out into the dark realms of space, stomp on it till the floor was littered with crushed plastic and a smashed light, flush it down the toilet and pretend like none of it ever happened? All were good options and way better than Din’s decision to stroke the thing like it was something precious.

Grogu babbled something behind you and the sound made your eyes begin to water. It was your fault, you had let yourself think about having a little one around alongside him, convinced yourself that this would be the time you’d witness your kids taking naps together and waddling after their father, pulling at his cape when they wanted attention. You’d promised together that the time you got pregnant would be the time Din found you somewhere to settle down together, a planet warm and green, with pretty scenery and lots of space for the children to play.

That was what you needed, somewhere far away, somewhere Din could take off his helmet in the privacy of his home and not fear there was someone lurking outside waiting to strike.

“I don’t think it’s meant to be.” Din said after a long moment of consideration. His voice was soft, more so than you think you’d ever heard it before. For a second you thought he was going to hand the test back over to you but then he thought better of it, instead slipping it into one of the many pockets on his amour.

It was not a game of fault or blame but Din couldn’t help but think if this was in fact a problem of his own creating, maybe he was the one who was unable to provide you with a child. Although he stood tall, thinking he had been the cause of more than even a second of pain for you, let alone months of hope being crushed, it made his knees feel weak. He watched with a tremble in his lip as the tears that had threatened to spill from your eyes finally flooded over, clinging to your lashes as you tried to blink them away.

“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing you could think to say. After everything he had been through, all you had wanted was to give Din something good. You knew if you were to tell him that he’d brush it aside, tell you that he had everything he wanted right in front of him but you’d seen it before, you’d learned to follow his gaze as you walked past families filled with smiles and laughter.

It only took you to blink once before you found yourself being wrapped up tight in Din’s arms, pressed up tight against his Beskar. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions, not with your cheek squished up against his chest and your arms flush to your side with the suddenness of it all but it was him, being in the same room was comfort enough so a hug was Maker-sent.

“It’s not your fault.” Din’s voice, despite being warped slightly through the modulator of his helmet, was a comfort; it was slightly croaky, however, as though he too was on the verge of crying. Those big hands slid across your back comfortingly, tucking his fingers around your sides and squeezing you tight whenever he felt you let out a shuddered breath. “You did everything right; this isn’t your fault.”

“I wanted to give you a son.” The words escaped your mouth before you could stop them. Most days, it was all you could think about. A little boy, big brown eyes and dark hair, maybe even a dimple like his father had. You’d lay in bed waiting for Din to return home from a collection and pass the time thinking about the two of them playing together, Din’s patient and calm demeanor contrasted by the fiery giggles of your child, of course not helped with Grogu’s mischievous nature.

There was no reply after that, not for a long while and for a moment, you swore you could hear sniffling from above you. Before you could say anything more, Din’s hands slowly retreated from your back and went up towards his helmet. Despite hearing the noise many times before, the clicking of his helmet being released made your stomach clench and you clung tighter to him, to be one of the few to have seen his face was still a thrill you could not get over.

You knew if you wanted, you could look up and see Din’s face, he’d made that perfectly clear by now but not wanting to cause him anymore discomfort, you instead decided to keep your eyes closed. His helmet fell to the floor with a loud clatter that made both you and Grogu jump in surprise. Then, ever so softly, you felt his lips press to the top of your head. It was gentle, might not have even been processed if you weren’t so on edge from the sudden noise.

For all you knew, you stood there together for days straight, Din holding you as you rode the waves of tears that came and went. His hands had returned to the soft expanse of your back, even sliding up your shirt at one point so you could be reminded of his warmth― Din was still there, despite everything, he was still there.

“We can’t do this again.” Din said after a long silence. It was a surprisingly easy decision to come to, he would always prefer you safe and content, having you alone was more than enough and certainly more than he thought he ever deserved. There was no denying that letting go of the promise of watching you swell with something so beautiful would be hard, he too had let himself ponder on all the warmth and happiness to come but it was for the best. Much like how he didn’t want to see you in pain again, Din could not handle another defeat so heavy.

You knew he was right, there were few times he wasn’t, but it didn’t make it any less painful to hear. Rather than reply, you simply held him even tighter, unable to let another thing go. Perhaps you could still go to that planet, find that pretty home in the solitude and allow that love to go fully to each other. You still needed to look after Grogu anyways, poor little green thing was still a child in his own right and needed the both of you around.

It was possible that this wasn’t the loss of something but the start of something new, something better. It didn’t feel like it right then but maybe one day it would. Until then, you knew you had Din and Grogu to make things feel complete.

**Author's Note:**

> For more stories, please check out my tumblr: bratdjarin.


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